"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"oh rad bring it in"
A fun fact about me is that I am obsessed with Disney teen/pop star/boy band AUs (as well as serial killer AUs and Hunger Games AUs and Westeros AUs), and if there isn’t one in any given fandom, I get really agitated and start figuring out what it would look like if I wrote it. The more unlikely/inappropriate for the canon, the more I love them. Can I talk about my West Wing one? I’m going to do that.
- Anyway, yes, Josh and Sam and Toby and Charlie and Will are in a ridiculous boy band called Fifth Edition. It’s a bad name. Everyone knows.
- Sam is the hot one who has sex scandals and gets put in fake publicity relationships with movie stars, Josh is the “bad boy” who is actually just a rational person without a filter, Toby is the “mysterious” one who doesn’t really give a shit, Charlie is the token dreamy black guy, and Will is the one who appeals to tween girls who get bullied a lot.
- Josh gets in trouble with One Million Moms after going off on a rant in an interview about why purity rings and enforced standards of female chastity are bullshit, and deeply endears himself to internet feminism at large. He ends up falling for super wholesome Disney starlet Donnatella Moss, who ends up as the opening act on their stadium tour, but when they finally start openly dating she gets so many death threats from insane Twitter tweens that it kind of drives her away. BUT THEIR LOVE IS TRUE AND IT WILL ENDURE.
- There’s a large contingent of fangirls who think that Zoey Bartlet does not exist and is a persona created by management (i.e. her dad) to distract the world from Will and Charlie’s secret relationship (which is not actually a thing, but Chill shippers are bananacakes). Even more intense are the ship wars between the contingents batting for Josh/Sam and Sam/Toby. It is generally accepted by almost everyone on the #fifthaddiction Tumblr tag that Josh and Sam were a thing during the early days of the band but then they broke up and everybody thinks Josh is super put out by Sam’s publicity relationships but actually, he doesn’t really care that much.
- Sam dates country-pop crossover star Ainsley Hayes and becomes the thinly veiled subject of many songs on her next album, most of which invoke sailboats (because they were papped sailing one time). Also, one time he slept with a hooker who sold photos of him to the tabloids and everyone on the internet lost their minds for a few days (but there’s also the tinhatters who insist that the photos were leaked intentionally to dispel all those gay-stuff rumors for good, because those people have apparently never heard of bisexuality or something). #JustSamSeabornThings
- Toby is in a super secret relationship with CJ Cregg, the star of that huge YA dystopian franchise and the most giffed actress on the internet, and management pressures them to go public with it, but they’re all, “Um, respect our privacy?” but it gets leaked after CJ gets her phone stolen at the airport and there is hell 2 pay. Words cannot express how little of a shit he gives about being in a boy band and he’s really just in it to make a ton of money and peace out.
- Will doesn’t really do much and there’s a rumor that he doesn’t even actually sing, and everyone in the fandom calls him “Fifth Addition” because he was, like, a last-minute addition to the group because Jed and Leo thought they were missing a key demographic (dorky girls). He also is by far the worst dancer in the entire band. But he’s the most interactive with the fandom through Twitter and stuff, so he’s got that going for him.
Is that it? I think that’s it. I will never write this because it’s ridiculous but I keep daydreaming about it so there you go. I am sorry.
"That’s the thing: There is no ‘but.’ When I look back, I can’t tell you why it happened."
[The Affair + Series Premiere]
Here With Me - The Killers
coming this fall on Fox/NBC/AMC: this ruggedly handsome white man is an asshole who treats everyone terribly but… there’s a twist… he’s Good at His JOB…